Self-Care While Living With Others
Self-care is time for you to spend with yourself. Time for you to nourish your mind, body and soul. Time for you to reconnect with who you are and to your purpose. It’s a lot of things. And it has been something I always come back to. But what happens when you don’t live alone? What happens when you don’t actually have the space to create for yourself because it physically doesn’t exist? Whether you’ve moved in with a partner or a roommate, or you have children, or you live at home with family, or like me you have moved back in with your parents - it can be really difficult when you live with others to have time for self-care in the way you want to.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Because self-care isn’t something I want to sacrifice. It’s what allows me to function. It’s what pushes me to keep going. It’s what helps me manage what is going on in my life and allows me stay in tune with my emotions. But it’s a space I created for myself and includes the habits I established when I lived alone. It feels very different now that I live with my family. Which means it has taken some time and adjustment to find my flow again. So I’m going to share some of the things I feel like have helped the most when it comes to self-care when living with others. And I would love to hear yours too if you have any thoughts.
+ Make a list of all the things you like to do for self-care
This is a good place to start. Think of all the things you enjoy doing for yourself as self-care. It can be things like reading, journaling, meditation, exercise, walks, cooking, morning/evening routines, etc. Write down anything that comes to mind and everything that you would want to do in an ideal world.
Next, pick out the ones that you feel are a) the most realistic to do given your circumstances and b) the ones that are the absolute most important to you.
For example: for me, a morning routine is of the utmost importance. Same with journaling and walks/exercise. Those are the ones I have been focusing on since moving in with family.
+ Make self-care a priority in your mind
Now it’s time for you to make these things a priority in your mind. Because if they aren’t important enough to you, they will never happen. Your self-care time will also not be respected by others. Treat yourself how you would like others to treat you. If you respect your need for self-care, then others will respect it as well. Consciously remind yourself that these things are nourishment for your mind, body and soul and promise yourself that you will prioritize them just as you would any other responsibility or task you have.
+ Schedule it in
The next step is to schedule your self-care in. When you live with others, you need to be extremely intentional about self-care. Because it’s easy to let things slip and not stick with it. So schedule it in. Treat it like an appointment you have with yourself. Write it into your planner. Work it into your day in a way that makes the most sense for you. This will also help you see where you may need to adjust things. For example, maybe you need to wake up a bit earlier to ensure you have time for your morning routine. Or maybe you need to get into your bed earlier so you have time to read.
Be aware of other people’s schedules in your home as well. Not in a way that makes you fixated on when you will get time for yourself, but more so to give you comfort. If you have an idea of what your house members’ general schedules are, you will know when would be the most ideal time to fit in your self-care. For example, if you know your roommate is always away at a commitment on Thursday evenings, then you know you have the house to yourself at that time and more space to do whatever it is you need to. This means there is less likely to be an interruption, which means you will get more out of that time. Interruptions in your self-care routine can leave you frustrated which is the opposite of what you want.
+ Advocate your boundaries and discuss them. often.
I can’t stress this enough. Boundaries are key when it comes to living with others. This is never a comfortable conversation. Trust me. It can feel awkward, uncomfortable and even harsh at times. But it is so necessary. Know what your boundary is. For example, if morning routines are extremely important to you, then have a discussion with whomever you live with about that. Do you need quiet in the morning? Do you not like anyone coming into your room or knocking on your door in the morning? Is there a space in the home you like to use for self-care and need that space to be respected when you are using it? Are there important things to you like books, crystals, or other tools that you don’t want used by anyone else? These are all valid needs. But talk about those things as openly as you can. If you’re able to discuss these at the beginning of moving in with someone, then that’s the best time to do it. But even if it is much later on, it is still worth discussing. If you find these types of conversations difficult, then start with something really small. Slowly work on your boundaries until you get them to a comfortable place. Remember that any time a situation comes up and your boundaries are not respected, do not feel like you can’t say anything. You can. You’re allowed to. Gentle reminders go a long way.
Something else I want to emphasize: when living with others we do need to become familiar with adjusting. We are all unique human beings. We all have our own unique needs and ways of living. And we must honour and respect that. But adjusting doesn’t mean sacrificing your boundary. Know where your limit lies. Adjust when necessary and when you want to. But don’t sacrifice your needs to please anyone else and don’t sacrifice your well-being just to keep the peace.
+ Keep your promises to yourself
This is something I heard on Ed Mylett’s podcast. He talks about confidence and keeping promises to yourself. He says that the best way to improve your confidence is to ensure that when you say you’re going to do something for yourself, you actually do it. If you say you’re going to exercise today, you make sure it happens. The more often you do this, the easier these things will become non-negotiables. The more often you say “oh, I’ll skip that today and do it tomorrow”, the less likely it is going to become a habit. Because then your own brain truly doesn’t believe you when you say you’re going to do something. This is important when establishing a routine for yourself as well as for others to see and respect that routine as well.
+ Emphasize small rituals that are easy to fit in
Self-care isn’t just about having a whole evening to yourself or creating an elaborate routine. It can really be anything you want. When you live with others, it’s important to realize that sometimes it’s the small rituals that are the easiest to fit in. This can be things like lighting candles (my favourite brand is linked here), using incense or essential oils (make sure your housemates are comfortable with scents first!), tidying your space, making your bed, putting on calming music, dimming the lights, etc. Little things like this are still self-care. And they are much easier to do daily and fit in without affecting other people around you very much.
+ Have a space that is just for you
I can’t stress this enough. When you live with others there is a lot of shared space. And the amount of shared space changes depending on who you live with. When you live with a partner, you have even more shared space. If it is available to you, create a space that is just for you. Even if it is a corner where you set up your yoga mat or meditation cushion. Maybe it’s your whole room. Or a guest bedroom. Or a little portion of a room. Create that space that is just for you and encourage others in your home to do the same. For me, I have my room but I also have the guest room that doesn’t get used much. I’ve been able to set up my yoga mat there and other workout equipment as well as my books and a diffuser for essential oils. I can close the door and use that space to meditate, workout, do yoga, etc. So far, it has worked really well. And I love having a safe space that is just for me. I know that’s not practical for everyone, but work with what you have and see where there might be some room to create your safe space.
Those are my main tips for now. I hope they help! I’m sure I’ll build on these as I go. It’s not easy to create self-care routines with other people in your space. As much as you may love who you live with, sometimes you just need to have time and space for yourself. And that is okay. There is nothing wrong with needing self-care and creating boundaries around that. Don’t forget to honour and respect your housemates’ space and boundaries as well as your own. And communicate as often as it takes to create a harmonious and beneficial living space for everyone. There is nothing worse than built-up resentment because you never feel like you can be truly “at home” in your own space. Work together to honour each others needs, but put yourself first. Always.
xo.