Life Update
I haven’t done this in awhile…write just because I felt like I wanted to share something. I’m currently curled up in my bed with a turmeric latte (so delicious by the way!), some Bob Marley in the background, and the loveliest, most amazing candle from Shy Wolf Candles. It feels SO good to be here right now. This is how I used to blog. All cozy and ready to pour my heart out. I feel like lately the blogging world has become such a different place. It’s become about how much content you create and how you stand out and social media and it really makes me miss the old blogging days. Because it’s always been about my blog for me. And sometimes I get lost in the other things and forget my why. Don’t get me wrong, I love what social media has done for us and what people are able to create out of it. And I love the sense of community it provides. But sometimes I feel like it’s a constant comparison game, which often takes away some of that creativity.
Anyways, I thought I would share a bit of a life update because I realized I haven’t really written too much about that on here. Back in June, I moved from Vancouver back to Calgary (my hometown and where my family lives). It was a huge decision. One I have been considering for awhile, but it took me some time to really feel ready. I left Calgary when I was about 17 years old for school. And although Calgary always felt like home, I think I needed those years away to figure out who I was outside of my little world in Calgary. And now, 12 years later, I definitely know who I am much better, but I also have realized that you don’t necessarily ever “find yourself”. No matter how far you travel or what things you accomplish. You create who you are and you continue to do that through every experience you have in your life. Moving back was a heart decision. My family was a huge part of that for me, but it also was just an indescribable pull that I couldn’t ignore anymore. Almost like it was time for my chapter in Vancouver to come to a close.
And trust me, that decision and move was so hard. I had made a home and put down roots in Vancouver. I loved my little apartment. I had a supportive community. I loved the clinic I worked at and adored my patients. So leaving was challenging. But my heart knew what I needed to do. The move itself was challenging because it was right in the middle of COVID and because I was so busy wrapping things up at the clinic that I felt like I had less time to be intentional with the move. It felt a little haphazard and ungrounded. But I think that itself taught me a lot. Sometimes (actually often), things don’t go the way we hope they will. And that is ok. I think our reaction to that and what we do after is what matters more.
I’ve been back in Calgary now for just about 4 months (minus a couple weeks when I was back in Vancouver for a wedding), and now I can honestly say that I am loving it here. It comes with it’s challenges. When I first came back I think I was grieving the loss and the changes that I just went through. And that is something that’s important to acknowledge. We can grieve huge life changes in very real and deep ways. We can grieve a way of living and whatever comes with that. We can grieve things we have left behind and still know that we have made the right choice. All those changes (work, home, routine, friends, support system, family relationships) had gotten so overwhelming. I think I was really struggling for awhile there. And I really missed my home. And I think I still do. I lived in my apartment in Vancouver (New West) for about 6 years. I definitely had a strong attachment to it. I missed all the things that came with living alone (like endless time and space for self-care rituals - posting a blog on self care while living with others soon!). But the past couple months have felt much better. I moved back in with my parents temporarily because I wanted to take a breather and figure out what is next for me. I was adamant about setting up my room the way I wanted, which has truly made the biggest impact. Because now when I walk into my room, I can take a deep breath and relax and feel that sense of “home”. I’m trying to organize things and decorate things in a way that makes me happy and in a way that just makes sense function-wise. And that’s something I actually never did in my apartment. I’ve noticed now that I miss my room and my little routines whenever I’m not at home. It’s kinda silly and kinda the best thing ever.
As far as work goes, I have been casually looking at joining clinics, but I feel so strongly in my heart that I need to take a wee little hiatus from practice. I love naturopathic medicine and it will always be an extremely huge part of my life, but I need a moment to refocus and explore some other passions. I want to put energy here - into my blog, my little community…you. Because I truly do enjoy blogging. It fills me up in ways I just can’t explain. And there are so many other little passions I have. I feel like it’s time to find a way to bring it all together. Whether that means creating my own little practice space, or waiting until I find something that really resonates with me… I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am really happy to be right here. The in-between. Taking this time for me. And I actually really love business. I’ve always had a little bit of an entrepreneurial spirit. And I want to explore that and see where it takes me.
The best side effect of all of these changes is the time I get to spend with my parents. I feel like a little retired old lady because I basically live the retired life with them right now. AKA lots of sleeping in, lots of doing whatever I want, tons of relaxing, deep convos, staying up late laughing and watching shows. And I really love that. I didn’t realize how much I had missed out on by being away. While I was away, I didn’t really think about it much because I knew I had to do what I needed to do. And I was out there doing my thing. But being back, I realize that I cherish this time with them and the rest of my family so much more. And I honestly didn’t even think that would happen. I thought I would just constantly be missing my alone time. But that hasn’t been the case lately. I get waves of that and then I just shut myself in my room for a bit to journal or blog or meditate or read and come out a new woman ready to hang out again. Which is so not normal for me. Usually, I can’t get enough time alone. So this is a nice (and welcomed) change.
I think in all of this, I am realizing that not only do things rarely go the way you expect, but they also will continue to change. Circumstances change, feelings change, living situations change, wants/desires change, interests change, our appearances change, our bodies change, etc. We all change so much throughout our lives and I think that’s the only thing we can rely on. Instead of fighting it or dreading it or avoiding it, sometimes it’s just better to embrace it and even just dive right in. Because you never know what amazing things may be waiting for you throughout that change and on the other end of that transition. I know I would have never expected to feel so content right now. All I felt at the time was the need for a change. There was a gut feeling. And that’s the thing about gut feelings…they are never wrong.
My word for 2020 was “surrender”. I picked that word at the beginning of the year when COVID wasn’t even part of our vocabulary. But that word could not ring more true this year. We have all had to surrender in some way this year. For me, I want to continue with that word into the end of this year. Because although there are many frustrating parts to this pandemic, it has also helped refocus me. So I want to surrender into that even more. I’m open to what my next steps will be and I want to immerse myself in all that this journey brings.
(And ps. don’t worry, I will be practicing again in the very near future, so if you want to get an update on where/when I will be practicing, feel free to join my email list so I can send you a notification when that time comes!). xo.