Advice for Living Alone for the First Time
“I could never live alone.”
That is something I used to say all the time.
Living alone seemed too scary. I didn’t think I could ever handle it. It wasn’t even something I wanted to entertain. After moving away from home for university I lived in residence, then immediately moved into a home with roommates. I moved around a lot during my university days but always had about 2-3 roommates at a time. I would look at people who lived alone in awe. And honestly with a bit of judgement. Like: why would they choose to live alone? Didn’t they want the company of another person? How did they feel safe? How did they manage all the responsibility? I could never….
Cut to 2014. I was living alone.
I came to living alone out of desperation. I had a difficult living situation with a roommate and just needed out. Living with someone else just wasn’t an option anymore emotionally. I needed to be on my own. I think if I wasn’t in a tough place, perhaps I never would have taken the leap to live alone. So in that way, I’m glad that I got that opportunity. Living alone felt freeing and comforting in a way I never thought possible. As I got more used to it, I slowly started to experience the full range of emotions that living alone brings. Comfort, discomfort, sadness, loneliness, empowerment, fear, freedom.
And still…even with all the fluctuating emotions, I wouldn’t trade this time for the world.
If you’re about to live alone or are currently living alone for the first time, I see you. It’s not easy. There are moments when it is so difficult. And you may even question your decision. But it also has it’s beautiful moments. And those are the ones worth sticking around for.
Here are a few tips to help you navigate living alone for the first time. Let me know in the comments below if any of these resonate with you. I would love to write more about this topic if it’s helpful. :)
tips for living alone
Take your time setting things up
When you move into a new space, it can be so tempting to fill it up right away and get everything you think you need/want. But I urge you to take your time. Get a feel for the space. Get a feel for how you are going to be moving about and living in that space. Try things in different arrangements. Maybe make a little vision board. This is your time to get creative with your surroundings. Feel them out. Allow your home to be a reflection of your heart rather than jumping into what you “should” have set up already.
Make sure you feel as safe as possible
When you live alone, you can sometimes get in your head. Hearing certain noises or thinking about whether the door is locked can be a constant concern. Make sure that you feel safe in your home. Test all the locks, put rods/sticks in the windows so that they can’t be fully opened from the outside. Set up a camera if you can afford to. Get to know what kind of security is available to you (especially if you live in a building). Another part of feeling safe in your space goes back to #1. Setting up your space in a way that feels good will also calm your nerves and keep you feeling as comfortable as possible in your home.
be selective about who you have over
It is so important to stay connected with other people. Part of that may be inviting people over to hangout or stay at your home. Hosting people can be really fun. But it’s also just as important to be highly selective about who you let in your home. If you are sensitive to energy, then be aware of what energy you’re allowing into your home. Are they kind and supportive? Or are they going to make you feel bad or judged by your choices in your home? It’s ok to love some friends from afar and protect your home energy as much as possible.
Keep your space clean
It can be so tempting to let things go a bit in the cleanliness department when you have all the freedom in the world and no one to judge you for it (except maybe yourself lol). Trust me… I have some very disorganized and cluttered moments. Even to this day I have piles of things that I kept meaning to organize but never did. If there’s one thing I could change when I first started living alone, it would be to keep things organized and clean from the get go. Everything should have a place. Spend the extra time deep cleaning parts of your apartment even if no one else but you sees it. It cleanses your space and your mind too.
Don’t be afraid to take up space
When I first moved into my place, I kept a lot of my things in my bedroom. The rest of the house was very bare and minimal. My school bag, computer and all other belongings I used on a daily basis would retire to my bedroom with me at the end of the day. That’s just what I was used to when living with other people. But now that you’re living alone, it’s a great time to learn to take up space. Leave things outside your bedroom. Spread out. It’s ok to leave your sweater on the couch or your computer on your coffee table. Keep things clean, yes, but don’t be afraid to take up space. This is your space. Expand. I think I’ve learnt the most about myself through allowing for expansion and spreading out. Habits, things I like, the way I like things, etc. all of those have slowly become more clear over the years.
Dont spend every day off at home
Sidenote: This one doesn’t apply to quarantine time, obvi. Because where else would you go everyday #amiright?
But, on a normal basis - it can be easy to just stay home on whatever days you are off. Especially if you are more of a homebody. And although I am all for listening to your heart and doing what feels right to you, I do notice that if I spend a whole weekend in my home I start feeling antsy. Even if it means you go out for a walk or a coffee date or grocery shopping. Something small is more than enough. It can help you keep that feeling of being excited to come home vs. resenting being alone at home.
get to know a neighbour or building manager
I know this one is hard for my introverted/shy friends. Being this way myself, I naturally want to avoid interaction when I’m at home. (Also because I look like a slob the minute I get home.) I lucked out because my neighbour was so friendly and I got to know her right away. It’s always comforting to know that you have someone nearby you are familiar with in case you need something. And seeing a friendly face out and about is nice too. Even if it’s a building manager, landlord, etc. that works too.
Get creative
This is such a great opportunity to get creative. It can be a scary time for sure. But think about all the opportunity you have here. Especially if this is your first time living completely alone. You can be so creative with your space. How you arrange it. What you decide to do. You can dance freely in your space if you want. You can listen to whatever music you want. You can create art. You can work on a side passion project without interruption. You can get 50 plants and make a jungle if you want. Do you. Create whatever feels good to you.
Self-care
This is such a great time to work on your self-care. With fewer interruptions at home, you can create a routine for yourself that incorporates some wellness habits. Things like meditation, journaling, burning incense/sage/palo santo (my fave!), spa nights, cooking nourishing meals, exercise, walks, etc. Bring things into your space that encourage self-care. Like crystals if you resonate with them. Or candles. Or a diffuser and essential oils. Bath salts. Inspirational quotes. Anything that will remind you to slow down and care for yourself so that you can start to make self-care part of your daily life. I can say that I’ve definitely gotten more solid with my wellness routines since living alone. It has been one of the sweetest parts of this journey.
Know when to ask for support
Living alone comes with it’s challenges. There can be some really difficult and lonely times. And although you may feel like you can’t complain about it or that you shouldn’t be feeling lonely especially if it’s been your choice, know that it is ok to feel lonely even if you want to live alone. It truly is ok. Give yourself room to feel those emotions but also recognize when it’s time to reach out to someone for support. Whether that is a counsellor, healthcare practitioner, family or friend. Reach out when you feel lonely. A little bit of support goes a long way.
I hope these helped! Let me know if you have thoughts below. :)
Lots of love.