My Letter to You if You’re Quarantining Alone
I’ve been thinking about this blog post for awhile. I’ve been thinking about you for awhile. My heart is really feeling this one.
I’ve lived alone for about 6 years (a mix of my choice and circumstance). And although living alone has a lot of perks, it definitely has some moments that are not so perky. Moments that are really really hard. Moments of pure loneliness.
Living alone, even if you stay highly connected to friends and family, can really make you feel quite alone. That PLUS quarantine…well… it can amplify a lot of things. Whether you have always lived alone, or you’re new to living alone, and whether or not you prefer living alone…this one’s for you. All of you.
I could give you a million tips on how to manage being alone right now. Keep in touch with people, get on the phone/FaceTime, make a schedule, get outside for walks, etc. But really… the most important thing is taking care of your mental health. Some people are naturally more introverted and this time can feel slightly more comfortable than it is for people who are naturally more extroverted. And yet everyone will have some form of struggle with this. Because none of us have experienced this before. And each one of us have different coping tools.
Personally, I have my days, but I’m generally OK. I’ve never had a time in my life where everything could just stop and I could stay home (I’m such a homebody). I’m not waking up feeling bogged down my obligations which has been nice feeling. Instead, I have the freedom to do whatever I want to do. In my case, my workload is extremely reduced, so I have more free time. This may not be the case for all of you. Regardless, I feel like being alone at this time has given me a different perspective of things. I feel like there are a lot of lessons that can be found in being alone right now. There’s a lot of power in being alone right now. There’s an opportunity to turn inward in way that may not be possible with other people around. I’ll share some of these insights with you below. This is a long post, but a necessary one. If you’re living alone right now (regardless of whether there’s an element to it that you enjoy), you’ve likely had your moments too. So I want you to know you’re not alone. And the beauty of this time is all about what you want to make of it.
My insights on living alone during quarantine
on our own for a reason
To me, it feels like we are alone right now (physically) for a reason. It may be comfortable for you to be alone but it may also be uncomfortable for you to be alone right now. Regardless, there are lessons that we learn out of being alone during a difficult time. For me, I really get to reflect on how far I’ve come in 6 years. Noticing how strong my self-care practices have become over the years and how I can really lean on them right now as well as work on expanding them has been amazing. I don’t think a lot of the things I’m doing right now would be possible in the same capacity if I was living with someone. And I don’t think I would be feeling as comfortable as I am right now if I hadn’t learned to tune into my needs and create a lot of self-care in my routine before all this happened. But even if that isn’t something you feel that you have right now, this may be a time for you to discover what those practices are that you love. This may be a time for you to make space for you to create your own little foundation. Something that you can bring back with you into “normal” life so that wellness and self-care become part of your daily life.
independence
I’ve always worried that when it comes to the point where I’m not living alone anymore, that I will lose all the independence I’ve built up over the years. When I have live with someone I’m very comfortable with, I tend to shift and rely on them more than relying on myself. And although there is nothing wrong with that, it can sometimes create anxiety for me because I get confused between what I want and what another person wants. This space and time for myself has reminded me that my independence is not going anywhere. No matter how the circumstances may change. I was very anxious when this all started about not being able to handle this on my own. But here I am…able to meet my needs and I will continue to be able to do that. I am doing all the things that other people may be doing with some help/support (eg. getting groceries, making sure I’m advocating for myself, adjusting my business, going for walks, cleaning/organizing, etc.). Yes, I would love to have that additional physical support of having someone living with me right now. But it’s still very empowering to know that I can do it by myself. And here you are too… handling it on your own. That is something to be proud of. Even if it feels a bit messy.
time to connect with your intuition
It’s ok to have many emotions in one day. Being on your own and doing your own thing right now means that you might become even more in tune with your intuition and emotions. Or at least have more of an opportunity to do that. And that is truly a gift. It can be difficult to feel everything and be physically alone right now, but it also means we can allow ourselves to do things in our own way. We can meditate, we can sleep more if we want, we can do yoga or whatever type of movement we want, we can dance around, we can cry, we can laugh, we can try new things, we can connect back to our true selves in a way that may not be possible if there was someone else around. I’ve personally been spending a lot of time sitting on the floor near my window in my living room, burning palo santo, listening to mystical beats and writing my feelings out or connecting to the deeper meaning of everything that is going on. I know for a fact (just because of the way I am) that if I wasn’t alone right now I would feel less freedom around these practices. Perhaps this time alone was meant to come into your life so that you could connect to that intuitive voice and allow it to come through a lot stronger.
manifesting
This has been such an amazing time for me to reflect and dream up visions of my ideal life. I’m not unhappy with where I am right now, but I know there is so much more I want in my life that is just not quite there right now. I’ve really enjoyed creating new visions. My dream business, my dream home - who would be in that home, the animals that I would have, the kids I would have, the relationships I would have. Who is important for me to have in my life and what I do want to contribute to the world? What is important for me to carry forward from all of this back into normal life? I’m reconnecting back to some of my passions (like blogging!) that have fallen to the wayside recently. And I feel like I have a newfound vision and a newfound love for everything that my life could and will become. I have newfound willpower to make these things happen in my life (and lots of time to start on it now in any way I can). If you’re in the same boat… like you have a tiny feeling that you’re not quite where you want to be right now, and you wish that you were living your “ideal” lifestyle right now instead - then perhaps this is an opportunity to solidify those visions. Create a vision board, or write it out or make a plan or meditate with that vision. Whatever it is that will make you feel closer to that vision. The closer you feel to it, the more joy it can bring you now. Before it’s even been manifested.
different ways to connect
Another thing I want to mention is the power of social media. Yes, we always hear about boundaries around social media. And I do strongly believe that. However, being alone right now means that my phone is my main source of connection to others. Whether it’s phone calls, FaceTime, online games, or social media apps - it is what is keeping me going right now. Am I am ok with that. Social media is actually really helping me right now - especially Instagram and TikTok. It makes me feel less alone, it allows me to choose to consume things that I want to (whether it’s related to things going on right now or something completely unrelated) and it’s also allowing me to create things in my own way as well (eg. through Instagram stories). So it is vital for me right now. I have moments where it becomes too much, and I try to honour that when I need to. But for the most part, it is something I really need and I’m not going to tell you to stop going on social media if it’s something you also need right now too. So if you are in the same boat, just know that there is no shame in that. You can create your own boundaries around social media and sometimes consuming more helps create a sense of connection that you may not have right now. (I know this sounds so counterintuitive to what most people say, but this is coming from someone living alone right now. I know deeply how much social media is actually helping me right now and that opinion might not be a popular one, but it’s something we each get to decide for ourselves based on who we are and what we each need).
my last note to you
You are relying on yourself for a sense of normalcy right now. Where others may have someone like family, roommates, pets, kids, etc. to have some sort of normalcy in their home, you just have you. And that itself can feel overwhelming. But it can also feel so so powerful. You’re in charge here. You get to determine what your day is going to be like and what you are energetically going to allow in your space. Even if you are still working from home, this is such a lovely time to work on your energetic boundaries and nourishing/providing for yourself.
The last thing I want to say is: You are so strong. This all might feel easy for you if you are used to being alone and enjoy alone time. And still… you are so strong. This all might feel difficult for you because it amplifies feelings of being alone and loneliness. And still…you are so strong. You may feel powerless and weak and frustrated and fearful right now. And yet… you are so strong. You are so strong. You are so strong. I want to keep saying that to you over and over. A lot of people feel that living alone right now would be their biggest fear (I would have said that 6 years ago too). But here you are living it. Fear is relative to what we have experienced already. You are going to be ok. Even if you are physically alone you are not alone. I am with you. There are lots of others that feel the same way and collectively we are not alone and we are all strong in our own ways.
If you’re enjoying the extra solitude, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you are having a tough time with it, that’s ok too. You are equally strong either way. But you have to believe that first. Not because someone else tells you. Not because you feel like you have something to prove. But because you truly believe in your own strength. Feel whatever it is you need to feel. Everything is OK. Everything is allowed. Everything is valid. Trust yourself and trust that you will get yourself through this.
Lots of love and mad respect to all of you right now.
K.